How to Set and Maintain Healthy Standards in All Your Relationships Through Self-Love: A Valentine's Day Special

This Valentine’s Day, I wanted to talk about self-love — not just the bubble baths and roses kind (though those are cute too), but the kind that shows up in how you set standards in all your relationships. Yes, that includes romantic ones, but also your friendships, family dynamics, and even how you allow strangers to treat you.

What Are Standards, Really?

Let’s start with the basics. I literally Googled the meaning of “standards,” and what resonated most with me was this:

Standards are something used as a measure or norm.

It’s the baseline, the requirement. Just like a job description might say “2+ years of experience required” — that’s a standard. In the same way, you need a standard for how people treat you.

Because when you don’t have standards, you’ll fall for anything. You’ll let anyone into your space, accept poor treatment, and worst of all — you might not even notice it because you haven’t defined how you deserve to be treated.

So... How Do You Set Your Standards?

You start by getting really honest with yourself:How do I want to be treated?In relationships, in friendships, by strangers, family members — even the Uber driver or the cashier. For me, I sat down and asked myself that exact question.

Here’s what I wrote down:

• I want to be treated with love

• With respect

• With integrity

• With compassion

That became my baseline. My standard. My “norm.”

But here’s the real magic: once you have your standards set, you need to embody them. And this is where self-love becomes real.

Do You Treat Yourself With the Same Energy?

So many of us want that “queen treatment” from others — but are you giving it to yourself?

• You want someone who keeps their word, but do you keep your word to yourself?

• You want love and softness, but are you harsh to yourself in the mirror every morning?

That self-talk matters. The way you show up for yourself matters. Your subconscious is always watching, always listening. If you say you're going to do something, then flake — your subconscious takes notes. It starts to believe, "Oh, she's not serious." And guess what? That’s what you start attracting.

I had to have a whole come-to-Jesus moment with myself when I realized I was attracting people who weren’t showing up for me — and it hit me: I wasn’t showing up for myself either.

Be the Love You Seek

You want someone who buys you flowers? Buy yourself flowers.You want a loyal friend? Be loyal — even when they’re not in the room.You want a clean, respectful, intentional partner? Are you being that version of yourself too?

It’s not about perfection. It’s about alignment. When you become the walking embodiment of your standards, people will either:

• Rise to meet you, or

• Fall away — and that’s okay too.

I’ve seen this happen in real-time. When you glow differently, they notice. They upgrade. They want to rise to your level. Not because you begged or forced them — but because your energy requires it.

The Takeaway

This Valentine’s Day, give yourself something better than a box of chocolates — give yourself your own love. Write down your standards. Reflect on how you’re currently treating yourself.And then start being the person who holds that energy — no compromising.

Because once you start embodying your own standards, you become unshakable, magnetic, and completely aligned. You only attract what you already are.

Here’s to high standards, real self-love, and juicy relationships that reflect the energy you pour into yourself. 💐💖

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